Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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