man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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