Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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