i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
