Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
