Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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