Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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