before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
