I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
