some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
