I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
