I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
