Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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