My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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