just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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