Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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