"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
