Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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