My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
