I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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