There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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