I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
