just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
