She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm like, not good at living.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
