Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
