i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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