Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
