And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
