Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
