I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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