didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
