God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
