Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
