She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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