He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
