are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
we're so committed to being not committed
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
