Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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