If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
