How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
