ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
