i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
