She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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