I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
