Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
