apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
