I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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