Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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