four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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