You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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