When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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