honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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