I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I love you. Go after that dick
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize