JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
