ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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