i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
