when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
